Fucking brats!

Just when I thought it was the old people at the club that were a nuisance, a little bratty girl banged her fist on the counter yesterday to get our attention so she could get a coke. Or rather, it was probably a smoothie as her entitled Boulder mother probably wouldn't let her drink a coke. I don't know 'cause I ignored her. My co-worker, I'm going to call her SGE (Sweetest Girl Ever because she's so nice to everyone whether they deserve it or not), jumped to her attention and took care of her. Then, behind her back, we proceeded to call her a fucking spoiled brat.
A few minutes later OJLIM, old jewish Long Island man, who I call that because that's what he is - whiney, complainy and a total dick (note: I'm allowed to say that because these are my people, but you're not. Unfortunately, people like OJLIM are what give the rest of us a bad name) - came running to us looking for a charger for his iPhone behind the desk. We informed him that we didn't have the kind he needed and he insisted - INSISTED - that we did because upstairs they had told him that we did. I looked at him and said "S, we aren't lying to you, THERE IS NO CHARGER HERE!" and stormed away from the desk.
Next thing I knew, I saw him complaining to the sales staff about something. I approached them, told them what happened and asked if I was fired. They said, "We love you BG. Never."
Whew, apparently my sarcasm and honesty has won over my fellow employees at the club.
Last week, a young guy said something to me that I didn't hear. When I asked, "Excuse me?" He replied, "Do you speak English?"
To that I replied, "EXCUSE ME?"
When I tell people what I do for a living, they inevitably ask, "Do you get a free membership?" As if that makes all the abuse worth it. Truth is, I belong to another club so I don't have to see these people on my off hours when I'm not working.
Another old man's membership card wasn't working. I asked him his name, to which he replied, "Would you like a sperm sample too?"
I'm not making this shit up. Who could?