Back in the bubble

I haven't written in awhile, much to the chagrin of all of my fans, I'm sure, but it's because I've been uninspired. I've opened up "new post" several times and found that I have writer's block. Nothing to say. No reason to be funny. And that makes me so sad. Then, the sadder I get because I have no reason to laugh, the less I have to say, and the less I have to write about. So I'm here today with not so much to say, and really not that much to make us laugh, but just to try to write something. Something that'll keep my fingers moving on the keyboard lest they forget and I have to regress to handwriting which, for all recipients of any handwritten notes I've ever written, is a tragedy. I have some kind of brain defect that has left me unable to write in any legible format that any other human being could interpret. Ask SSMG. He has, on a few occasions, asked, "Who wrote this?" as my handwriting changes from minute to minute and you never know what's going to emerge. I tell him I have multiple personality disorder and each of my many handwritings are actually a different part of my personality expressing themselves.
First off let me announce publicly that I am slightly inebriated. SSMG has been gone now for three days, and I have been left alone in the house with the dogs. A recipe for eating binges, television and general malaise. Thankfully, Roger Federer is keeping me good company.
So I went to yoga this morning and there was conversation in the lobby before class about the weather, which seems to be the only thing we talk about here in Massachusetts. How although it's been nice the past couple of days, summer is so short and we have winter to look forward to soon. How brief our time is out in the sun and how it's always a surprise how quickly it ends and we're back to cold, rainy fall.
It's still 80 degrees and sunny in Boulder.
I mention this because SSMG and I happen to be moving there. My hero and the love of my life got up the gumption to approach his office and straighten this all out, and now we're putting the house on the market to prepare for a move. He sounds so excited about it, and naturally I am. But a strange thing happened to me on the way to the forum on Friday night. I went to a dinner party and for dinner I had red wine. For dessert I had white wine. I didn't eat a thing because of the binge all day on Friday. So I may have been a little inebriated then too, but this very nice man, for about 1/2 hour, told me that I hadn't given Massachusetts enough of a chance. That if I moved closer to the city I would meet people I liked. That there's free health insurance for people who don't work (me) and how my boyfriend, i.e. SSMG, didn't really want to move, but he would never tell me that knowing how much I want to. I said, really? SSMG doesn't want this, he's just doing this for me? Yes, said the man. You think he'd really tell you knowing how unhappy you are here?
So now I'm not so sure. Does SSMG want to stay here and he's just doing this to make me happy? Will I be happy? Do I have some moral obligation to 'give it a shot' even though I never intended to stay here and the only reason I'm still here is because of SSMG? Of course he's right. I never gave it a chance. I never moved closer to the city to see if I could meet more diverse, like-minded people and have an interesting and social life here in Massachusetts. SSMG will surely give me his feedback on this issue, but the bottom line may just be this conversation I had this morning at yoga. Why live your entire life dreading the coming months? Really, we only have two good months here. The rest of the year, as far as I'm concerned is a big waste of time. But if this is true, and this man had me all figured out, I've gotta stay so SSMG can be where he wants to be, apparently, and so I can say I truly gave it a shot. This, all from a stranger who after 2 minutes thought he knew me and all the answers to my life.
Roger's not performing the way I expected. Gotta go. Gotta send more positive vibes his way. Because in the end, we're all connected, aren't we? And my ambiguity and confusion might be influencing Roger's tennis game.