I know I said goodbye a few days ago, but I don't really want to go. I just said that because I was feeling too exposed. That happens sometimes. I decide that no one should know what's going on in my head and I should move to Alaska or something and become a new person, totally anonymous, and see how that feels. But even in Alaska I ran into someone who knew someone who knew someone, so I guess I really can't ever get away. We're all connected.
Anyway, it didn't happen and I'm still in Holden. I was a woman on the edge the other day running around Worcester (broken foot, remember?) in the rain trying to find the orthopedic shoe that the doctor here prescribed. It was such a fiasco and I was cursing everything Massachusetts when mom asked what was going on and offered to help. I jumped down her throat that she should leave me alone because I was in a bad mood. Remember Angry Girl? She only really appears in Massachusetts and she appeared full force. Poor mom. Poor SSM guy who had to listen to me bitch. By the time I saw him though, I had had a glass of wine, calmed down, and I think, I think, he still likes me. Which has been confirmed by a really, really, remarkable, unprecented thing. SSM guy cleared three drawers for me in his house. What do I do with that? Do I really leave things there? Do I just use them when I'm visiting? I'm overwhelmed. Today, after he left, I spent a great deal of time contemplating what to leave at his house, what to take with me, whether the drawers are there only for daily use, and whether I should actually HAVE anything in the drawers when I'm not in the house. Also, what does this mean about bathroom paraphrenalia? Do I leave a razor there? A toothbrush? I'm so confused.
Meantime, I'm halfheartedly looking for a place to live. Part of me can't really accept the fact that I will have my own place to live in Massachusetts. It's crazy really. Who would've thunk?
Today I went swimming. It's really the only thing now that the doctor says is okay to do. My shoulder is killing me. I took a Vicodin a few minutes ago, not because my shoulder hurts, but because I'm in Massachusetts.
Sam peed on my pillow last night. While I was there. Sleeping on it. What do you think that means? Ray and English never did anything like that. I don't know what to make of this strange little creature. Lucky for me, he didn't aim for my hair.
Anyway, it didn't happen and I'm still in Holden. I was a woman on the edge the other day running around Worcester (broken foot, remember?) in the rain trying to find the orthopedic shoe that the doctor here prescribed. It was such a fiasco and I was cursing everything Massachusetts when mom asked what was going on and offered to help. I jumped down her throat that she should leave me alone because I was in a bad mood. Remember Angry Girl? She only really appears in Massachusetts and she appeared full force. Poor mom. Poor SSM guy who had to listen to me bitch. By the time I saw him though, I had had a glass of wine, calmed down, and I think, I think, he still likes me. Which has been confirmed by a really, really, remarkable, unprecented thing. SSM guy cleared three drawers for me in his house. What do I do with that? Do I really leave things there? Do I just use them when I'm visiting? I'm overwhelmed. Today, after he left, I spent a great deal of time contemplating what to leave at his house, what to take with me, whether the drawers are there only for daily use, and whether I should actually HAVE anything in the drawers when I'm not in the house. Also, what does this mean about bathroom paraphrenalia? Do I leave a razor there? A toothbrush? I'm so confused.
Meantime, I'm halfheartedly looking for a place to live. Part of me can't really accept the fact that I will have my own place to live in Massachusetts. It's crazy really. Who would've thunk?
Today I went swimming. It's really the only thing now that the doctor says is okay to do. My shoulder is killing me. I took a Vicodin a few minutes ago, not because my shoulder hurts, but because I'm in Massachusetts.
Sam peed on my pillow last night. While I was there. Sleeping on it. What do you think that means? Ray and English never did anything like that. I don't know what to make of this strange little creature. Lucky for me, he didn't aim for my hair.
2 comments:
i may be the only one for now, but i read you religiously. seems only natural since i do worship you. welcome back.
I agree with ed the artist...if he had a problem with you leaving stuff he wouldn't have offered you three drawers.
By the way, you inspired me to set up my first blog ever.
-------Juliet
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