Do you own an Explorer? Do you own an Explorer? Do you own an Explorer?

A woman, it needn't be mentioned that she's old because she is, after all, a member of our club, approached me at the front desk asking me if I or anyone within ears' range had a Ford Explorer. When I said no, she started rambling, somewhat incoherently, that maybe there was someone who did. She just rambled and rambled until I finally got from her that she couldn't lower the back seat. I offered to help.
"Do you own an Explorer?"
"No." I answered again.
"Well, okay, maybe you can help but I really need to find someone who owns an Explorer. My son" blah blah blah...blah blah blah. I have no idea what her son did to put her in this tragic situation of not being able to lower the back seat. I kept silent through the entire thing, let her babble and lead me to this obnoxiously huge vehicle which, for the life of me, I couldn't understand why a little, old batty lady would be driving. It was kind of scary and I noted to try to avoid her on the road.
She put the seat down as far as it could go, and I detected the problem. The headrest needed to be folded down.
Lo and behold, mechanical genius that I am, there was a string to pull, which I pulled, and the headrest folded. All was well and as she babbled more I just walked away and wished her a pleasant afternoon.
So this begs the question: why are all old women so fucking batty! It concerns me. I'm not far away, and I just want someone to shoot me if I ever become that annoying.
My new tactic to deal with these rambling idiots is to just let them ramble, not acknowledge too much of what they say, and pray that I can help them quickly so they'll just go away.
St. Patrick's day we offered free guest passes to members wearing green shirts. A man bellied up to the desk and loudly proclaimed, "Where's my guest pass?"
I said, "You're wearing green, here you go. A please would be nice."
He thought I was joking. I said, "No, really."
We start our renovations next week. A member asked me, "Are you changing everything?" Not knowing what she was getting at I said, "Yes." She said, "Are you changing the locker rooms?" I said, "Oh yes, they're going to be really big and nice."
"Well," she said, "I really like the lotion you have in the dispensers, are they going to change that?"
Dumbfounded, I said, "You know, I have no idea. If you'd like, I can check that with management and call you with an answer."
Thank god she didn't take me up on my offer, but I suspect we will be losing her as a member.
Lastly, I had a call from a woman who asked about our pools. Long story short, she is allergic to chlorine and was wondering if we treat it with ozone (? I thought that was a layer of the stratosphere) because apparently that will counteract her allergy.
I said I'd be happy to get an answer for her and call her back, and then I passed that lead onto the salesperson who will have a great time trying to sell THAT membership.
Do you still wonder why I drink?