Okay. Something is amiss. Awry. Off kilter. Fucked up. My broken record of, "It's always sunny and warm in Boulder" has led to the decision to sell the house and move. We're uprooting everything to follow the warm sun. And now god is playing a terrible joke on me as it's warmer and sunnier here in Massachusetts than it is in Boulder.
Top that off with the series of events in my apartment and a sudden flashback of bad memories that I experienced yesterday in a wave of nausea (I have no idea where it came from, but it freaked me out to start remembering several bad times in my life in Boulder) and I'm just not feeling all that good about Colorado these days. I told SSMG perhaps we move south instead. I want to be tan year-round. I can't stand the ugly, pastiness that makes me feel old and fat 10 months of the year.
But the thing is, it's the bad mood that Massachusetts puts me in that makes me feel bad about myself and everything around me, and all that will be remedied when I'm back in Colorado. So to stay here would be a mistake. I'm cranky here, happy there. That's the bottom line.
Today I went shopping. I haven't shopped in eons. I hate shopping. Malls make me sick to my stomach - the smells, the sights, the people - and the crap that is in stores makes me want to stay home and never have to get dressed again.
Now if it was warm, this wouldn't be an issue. But when it's cold, I need clothes. Now I'm going to go online and order hundreds of dollars worth of stuff so that I don't have to leave the house again. Always a mistake, leaving the house. Especially now with poor Sampers barking his head off the entire time I'm gone. Sigh. Our little, grieving doggie. It's so sad. Little Sam has to go on anti-anxiety medication to deal with his separation anxiety. Christ. Doesn't it just figure that I would have a neurotic dog? Shit, I probably made him neurotic.
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