Day of Atonement

Unbeknownst to me until SSMG's brother pointed it out this morning, today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. That means I'm supposed to be fasting. It's 7:30, and I've had coffee, oatmeal and a banana. Traditionally, Jews starve all day and then go to a "Break the Fast" during which they stuff their faces with bagels, pastries and other carbs. Sounds to me like a day in the life of an eating disorder, or, on some days, a day in the bubble. So what's the big deal? Of course along with fasting, we're supposed to be in temple praying for forgiveness from the almighty for all of our transgressions during the past year. Of which, I'm sure, I have many. Starting with the fact that I take the lord's name in vain probably 500 times a day and I'm living in sin with a goy.
Today, I'm going to use my self-indulgent, self-important bubble to ask my readers for forgiveness for my sins. It's the equivalent, to me, of praying to god. Don't you feel important now? Being on a level with god? I've listed the ten commandments, and I will address each one and atone where applicable.

The Ten Commandments
1. I am the Lord your God
Okay, if you say so.

2. You shall have no other gods before me
You shall not make for yourself an idol
Not to worry. I'm not real good with my hands.

3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God
OMG. Strike one.

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy
Oops, the Sabbath, I forgot. Strike 2.

5. Honor your father and mother
I blew off a visit to my father's grave yesterday to stay in bed with my goy boyfriend. Also, I snapped at my mother many times because she's so annoying. Strike 3.

6. You shall not murder
It was SSMG that killed the baby mice! Not me, I swear!

7. You shall not commit adultery
Adult is not really part of my vocabulary.

8. You shall not steal
Since BFF and SSMG straightened me out, I think I can safely say that I didn't steal anything this year. Not even bottled water.

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
This is Massachusetts. We don't talk to our neighbors.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife
You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor
I'm not gay, and to reiterate, I haven't stolen anything this year.

I think I'm doing okay. Perhaps you should try this little exercise as well. It made me feel darn good about myself.