F*ing Dogs

Yesterday Sam and Muffin at different times independent of one another shit on the floor. Now, I say it was Sam and Muffin, but they have this uncanny ability to do this while my head is turned away. Someone leaves a pile, and quickly they both assume the position - innocent, loving eyes looking up at me as though they have no idea where the mess came from. I immediately assume that they're mad at me and are doing it on purpose. SSM guy assures me it's because they need to go out and I haven't taken the time to let them. These dogs won't go poo unless you stand there with them and coax them. They're too dumb to know that they have to go, so you have to tell them and wait for them to take their sweet time. Who has time for this? I'm busy! I don't know with what, because time passes and I don't do a damn thing, but I have been otherwise indisposed one way or another.
SSM guy seems to have noticed my oblivion. Last night during an attempt to go to dinner in Boston - our Friday night date which turned into a bit of a fiasco, but more on that later - I admitted that I haven't been watering the plants. I don't really know why, but it certainly explains why they're not doing so well. Other things I haven't been doing: cleaning, shopping, and keeping Heineken stocked in the fridge. And, apparently I haven't been taking the dogs out when they need to go either.
So what have I been doing? I have nothing to show for my otherwise busy status. I just know that I'm overwhelmed and my eyebrows need waxing. Who has time for cleaning and laundry for heavens sake?
Just another muggy, hot day in Massachusetts. Well, at least neither of the dogs shit on the floor today and no one died.