Okay, the Hitler thing was nothing. The book isn't his, and if he read it, it was because it's interesting. SSM guy is not a Nazi after all. I mean, Hitler was a fascinating guy, wasn't he? How a putz with a funny little mustache could get so many millions to hang on his every word is beyond me. Jesus is one thing. Hitler? I just don't get it. No, SSM guy is loving, wonderful, generous and is in love with a jew. Sam on the other hand, has issues. Let me remind you of how he peed on my pillow when I first started sleeping here. Things have been just wonderful since, we get along smashingly and he hasn't displayed any acts of aggression until, well, Saturday night when mom came over for dinner and he bit her in the face leaving her lip bleeding all through dinner and frantic mom running back and forth to the bathroom mirror worried that she was going to look bad. Huh? When did mom get so vain? I mean seriously. If mom has suddenly become vain, she has a lot more to worry about than a cut on her lip. Oooooooh, I AM going to hell. But seriously, as I fixated on the long, white hair growing from her chin, I kept thinking what a great distraction a fat lip would be.
Anyway, SSM guy said that this was the FIRST time Sam ever bit anyone! And it was my mother! So here's my theory. Cesar Millan, step aside.
Sam is gay. We determined that a long time ago. Well, we were on a walk the other day and found a rainbow-colored beaded chain that fits perfectly around his neck. I put it on and I swear, Sam's whole demeanor changed. He seems so self-assured, adorned with gay pride. I announced that we should march in the gay pride parade with Sam. We, as a family, have all grown from this experience, though SSM guy is a little worried about what he did in bringing up Sam to make him gay. I assured him, it wasn't him as the answer became glaring to me on Saturday night.
Sam is gay, I realized after he bit mom, because he has abandonment issues with his mother who deserted him as a child. Very simply, he hates all mothers. THAT is why Sam is gay, and that is why Sam bit my mother on the lip. Poor thing was lashing out at a painful past. I really think the new gay pride necklace, along with supportive parents, will help him realize that it's okay to be gay, and maybe, finally, Sam can be happy as the queen that he is.
Mom was fine, no bruises or swelling and she was actually a great sport about the whole thing. I did surmise though that this may limit her visits to the house.
So, I'm safe. My boyfriend isn't a nazi, my dog is happily gay, my mother looks exactly as she looked at the beginning of the weekend and, she won't be visiting often.
Back on Track
SSM guy and I had a really good 15 mile run yesterday. Why I insist on drinking beer to celebrate is beyond me. After 15 miles of running, beer is sure to go to my head quickly. The rest of the day was spent lounging - brain death ensued - outside. It was heaven, really.
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